a flurry of emotions

Freshman year is over.

I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. Numb from the horrible Stats final. Moving out of the dorms. Regrets from not investing in Ida 6th floor. The comforts of Towle mini suites. Wesley's room. Being able to just skip down the hall to talk to friends. Showering with flipflops. Having to cook next year. Taking out the trash. No more waking up at 7:55am for 8am class. Unit3 small group. Emily as my roommate - being super chill, always always there for me at my worst moments. Swiping Haagen Dazs from Bear Market. 4am talks with Nate, the guys, Kevin Huynh, Bmun, JennSaraEunice.

There's so much going through my mind right now... how my major GPA will look like. Going home, seeing my fam, visiting Mission, Chapter Camp!!!, Hong Kong. The ways God has blessed and super grown me. The community and friends and relationships He's given me. How He has provided for a place for us to live next year. The many many things I've struggled with and learned about this year - relationships, guy/girl boundaries, drinking, judging people, IV seniors' advice: talks with Slam, DavidChau, JennChiang, JeffKwong, StephenYang.

I really need to sit down in peace and reevaluate my entire life. All those good talks with Eric this semester has evolved our relationship from just GSI/student to more of a mentor/big brother kinda figure. I really want to just sit down, figure out what I want to do with my life, and just go for it. Same with studying habits. Setting aside time to find out what works for me will take me a really long way. I just want to find something that I'm passionate about. Something that I will be able to tunnel vision, focus in on and just DO without anyone stopping me. I want to help people, interact with people, provide for my family, live comfortably, in close proximity with family and friends...

All of this started off with seeing Carmen and Jen move out yesterday. Then Sara's letter this morning, Jenn's text. Wesley's room empty. Having to go back and pack. It's just CRAZY fast how this year flew by, yet how jam packed every single day was. Small group, large group, Crossroads, cafe3 dinners, good talks, Hall Ass meetings, late nights at Beverly Cleary, learning how to play guitar, DailyCal, sitting on Sproul, laying in my bed doing nothing, bathroom talk, morning walks and talkin' to God, the Ark, Best Selling Secrets, Pat Brown's breakfast Friday mornings, my loverly psych section, chillin' with my small group, failed visits to the gym hahaha, football games, Papamingo runs, getting walked back at 5am, GBC, Suitcase Clinic, Unity Pride, Yule Ball, Collide, Discipleship, gorgeous view outside my window, door-to-door for HallAss and ASUC.

This ride has been just so indescribable. The surprises that God granted me. The opportunities and choices He's given me. The beginning of this incredible journey into become a Bride of Christ. I am so excited to see how His perfect timing and His plans for me will unfold :)

So friggin bittersweet <3