a million and one things

I thought I'd feel this huuuge rush of relief after finishing all my midterms last Thursday, but that didn't happen.

My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past week or so. My usual bedtime is around 1am if I have to get up for 8am class, but I've been pushing that back later and later. I feel so listless all the time now, almost to the point where it's uncharacteristically me. There's just so much going on right now: apartment hunting, internship paperwork, suitcase elections, boat dance, u3's collide, tying up loose ends of the semester. I still don't know what major I am. I don't know what classes I'm going to take next semester. I don't know where I'm going to live.

I think God is really trying to teach me to trust in Him.
Instead of planning out every hour of my day. Instead of reaching for my planner (whom I refer affectionately to as 'Bessy') every few minutes. Instead of figuring out what I'm going to wear every morning the night before. Part of letting go is really just handing over the steering wheel to God. My life is so much of a routine that I haven't been exploring new sides of God. This just reechoes Erina's message from our first large group of this year: we are to be open to God's surprises. He has been so faithful in answering my prayers in His wonderful, unexpected and perfect timing. He has also been blessing me with amazing insight through many good conversations lately - Steph Yee, David Chau, Jeff Kwong & Stephen Yang, Andrew Hao, Joanne & Vivian, my accountability sisters.

Amidst all this 'stress', God has filled me up with nothing but Joy. I'm in the midst of an amazing two-week span. Last Friday was Alumni LG. Saturday was Freshmen Scavenger Hunt. Sunday was shopping in SF with my favorites. Boat Dance is coming up Thursday, Collide is next Friday. I really pray that God will provide me with lots of rest and patience to bare through the grunt academics final weeks of the semester.

Here I am
As gold to the fire
I will surrender to Your hand
To this place
Lord I have come ready for Your touch
It's all for you
It's all for you
I'm letting go
I'm letting go
- Starfield, "All for you"