This story is so fragmented, yet all its separate pieces just falls in place . That just attests to the crazy ways that our God works. It is just so exciting, breathtaking, unconventional, countercultural and brilliant. I think my semester has finally started coming together. This might just be the breakthrough I've been praying for!! :)
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Back in January during our Jan Time retreat, our leadership team spent three days casting vision for this upcoming semester. We studied Exodus and explored our new identities - as God's treasured possession (Exodus 19:5) and priests of His Kingdom (Exodus 19:6). We spent the last morning looking at Exodus 36, the passage with the Building of the Tabernacle.
Some of the Ark folk came and held a Prophecy workshop. Dennis Cole talked about how prophecy is really just communication with God. How it is letting Him take control of our imagination - whether that comes in the form of images, song lyrics, a verse or even a word. Christina Hisel led our group and we had a chance to get prayed for and pray for others. When it was my turn, everyone laid hands on me and began to prophecy. Christina saw a burst of lightning strike in the middle of the night. "Trust. Keep walking in the darkness." Sara saw a dark sky. Sarah was reminded of the passage of Peter walking on water. Matt heard "I believe". Connie saw me flying a rainbow kite (covenant) in the wind (Spirit).
We wrapped up the retreat with communal prayer after studying the Tabernacle passage. During those ~45mins, God gave me a very clear and complex vision. I shared with Sara Fong and Erina afterwards and they prayed for me.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11-12 (Isaiah 58 kept popping up in my head during Ark worship)
The vision showed a small green plant sprouting. The leaves were deep, deep dark green. It kept growing and growing. The angle shifted so a row of plants were visible. Hands from both sides plucked these plants. The angle panned out once again to where plants could be seen everywhereee. They were so abundant! And green! And then God placed a rainbow at the horizon, promising me that He will bring new Life to our fellowship this semester. And Erina said that first small green plant might even be me.
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Yet you have a few people who have not soiled their clothes.
They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy.
He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white.
I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and the angels.
Revelation 3:4-5 (Suky's sermon)
I have been a lot more proactive about asking for prayer during Large Group reflection time this semester. I asked Erina to pray for me after our opening message about the Power of Prayer. She had a vision of me in a wedding dress that was dirty and torn. "God is going to give you a new dress - a white and pure one. And He wants to make you His Bride." The vision was casted back in January; Suky's sermon two months later finally confirmed it. I want to be a beautiful and beloved Bride of Christ. I want to learn how to have a pure heart and a gracious tongue (Proverbs 22:11).
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You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:4
We've been going over a "Good News" series in Large Group.
This past Friday Pastor Andrew Hoffman spoke on Romans 6:15-23 about Good News for Bondage. He talked about God making us new. About how a lot of us are like pasta that's still boiling - we are cooked on the outside, but the water hasn't seeped into the inside yet. Kinda like the Gospel hasn't seeped into our being yet. God frees us from sin and sets us back on a path of righteousness. This gives us new purpose in life. To align everything that He's given us back to Him - because all of our beings and everything we have is His anyway. I journaled during reflection time. It's not very eloquent prose, but my prayer to God nonetheless.
Lord I think I am just afraid of failure, of not being a good steward of all that You've given me. Lord I am afraid that I will miss the opportunities and not take advantage of the resources You've granted me. God may You remind me that Your life and Your gifts are abundant. Remind me that You are Generous with Your Gifts. Remind me that You have given me an abundance of goodness and that You will continue to do so. Remind me that You transcend all, that time is not a limiting factor. Help me grow in faith and trust that Your Will will be done no matter what.
It hit me later that night when the sophomores got together to play Settlers/Egyptian War. And I got super angry at myself because I wasn't winning. I was playing games of the world (Bobby Lee). And God reminded me that He has placed 5 this drive to succeed, this drive to be the best at whatever I do. He has placed in me all these dreams and goals and desires. But He also reminded me that it's okay to be where I'm at - it's okay to not know where I'm going or what I'm doing. It's okay to not be doing as well as I'd like in school, to not be the 'coolest' small group leader, to not feel 'close and intimate' with everyone in the sophomore class, to not have to devote even more time to Suitcase Clinic. That He loves me just as I am, in my broken, humbled state. That is a HUGE.
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Lord, I love how You are speaking to me through images this semester. I am thankful for the revelations that You whisper to me at The Ark. I am thankful that I have finally experienced what it means for Your Word to come alive.
I pray for Life. I pray for Your Living Water that brings Life, to quench our thirst. I pray that you will stir up a hunger for Your Word as our food and sustenance. I pray that You will stir up a fire to know You and seek after You and chase after Your heart. I pray that You will ignite a passion inside us. I pray You will teach us how to be Light.
(i just realized how nerdy this comment is, but oh wells. anyhow, even this prayer is sooo counterintuitive - photosynethesis usually begins with light, and in combination with water and 'food', will result in a plant. but this is backwards!!!)
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
Jeremiah 17:8
I so desperately want to be that well-watered garden, that tree planted by a spring that never runs out. I want to be so deeply rooted in the Lord. I want to bear delicious and plump fruit. All day.
And even though this entry is soo fragmented and took hours to churn out, Lord I am sososo thankful that You know my heart. And Lord even if no one understands what I'm saying, I know You see my spirit dancing and celebrating. Help me remember Your Goodness.
Thank You for accepting my imperfect heart, Abba :) It's all Yours.
