Walter A. Haas School of Business

:)

THANK YOU, JESUS!!!

All power and glory and honor unto You and only You.

Desires of my heart

Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37: 4-7

Guide me so my heart and my plans are in line with Yours.

Show me where you want to take me Jesus.

Happy Birthday James

Another dinner. Another night.

Another evening spent at the Ghetto.

 

I was worried because I hadn't seen him this past week at Clinic. I'd been walking by the Ghetto more often, but I still hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of his familiar face. Maybe he's at his girlfriend's. She's been going through some rough times.

There was a stack of crates, but no one there.

 

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Mandarin House. My first time there.

We had a good meal. Spirit was with us, Hand on us, just like we had asked before the meal.

Basketball. Suitcase. Friends.

It had been a long day, a long week in general. I had been feeling so exhausted, so drained. So contrary to the vision of Life I had at Jan Time retreat.

 

A man walks in carrying a dollar bill.

Do you have a dollar for me? Just one. Please.

Sorry. I lost my wallet today. - Legitimate.

I don't have one, sorry. - That was a lie.

The man walks to the cashier. The lady quickly shoos him out.

He wanders to the next restaurant outside.

-----

I usually don't give people money. It makes them dependent on others.

I like to talk with them. Or give them food. 

The encounter quickly slips from my mind.

------

Half of my Szechuan Chicken left over.

I asked the lady cleaning the table next to us for a box.

Scooped the rice in and laid the chicken on top. Lunch for Friday. Box was packed to the brim.

I could give it to that man who just walked out!

 -----

I stepped outside and looked both ways frantically. I peered through the windows of each restaurant. No sign.

I made my way out onto Durant to see if he was there.

He wasn't. And instead, there was another man sitting in his place.

Have you had dinner yet? I motioned to my takeout box.

Yes I would like to have it. He reaches for the bag - he had misheard me.

Thank you so much - God bless. Do either of you guys believe in Christ?

A firm Yes echoed in unison.

Can you pray for me? Today's mah birthday. Can you pray over me? It's mah birthday.

And then we laid our hands on him.

-----

Your love is beautiful

We praised Him for the way He had made him. 

We praised Him for his continued hope and joy. 

We praised Him for the goodness that He has in store for him.

We prayed that the Spirit would be upon him wherever he goes. 

We prayed that he would be reminded that He shed His Blood for him. That He loves him.

We prayed a blessing over his special day and for every day thereafter.

I was caught offguard. So caught offguard I barely remembered to ask the Spirit to give me words to speak. I was ashamed, embarrassed, even a bit frustrated that words did not flow out freely. But it's okay because the other one of us had so relied on the Spirit and prayed earnestly.

It's the reason why I sing.

Another snippet of His heart. Another snap shot.

Another glimpse through the curtains to see His brilliance.

Another time my heart broke like His.

Another time my lips spoke His words.

Another time my cheeks smiled His smile.

Another time He revealed Himself.

Another time His presence was made known.

Another time to worship His goodness, His grace and His love.

All around the world, let the praise begin.

The man on the crate

A priceless gift.

1/30 10PM. We finally walked outta 10 Evans. Usual Friday night hangout after Large Group. 

The air was crisp and refreshing. Laughter hung in the air - traces of the Spirit still lingering on from a powerful night.

We head over to Asian Ghetto for some boba and Steve's.

I'm digging the Tupac, man.

He was sitting in his usual spot outside the Ghetto. Music blasting from his new stereo. He had told me on Tuesday that he bought it no less than a week ago.

I break away from the crowd and head over to his stack of crates.

He starts telling me about his girlfriend. How surprised he was to see me - he had mentioned my name talking to someone earlier that day. He was from Suitcase, but he had forgotten his name. I ran through a few names. He still couldn't remember.

Little tidbits of conversations. Snapshots and glimpses into his life.

A girl walks over with some fresh popcorn chicken from Sweetheart's.

Would you like some? I had dinner already.

He declines, politely, saying that he too, already had dinner.

No really - she insists.

Thank you very much. God bless.

He accepts, somewhat reluctantly, but still graciously. He sets them next down in the bottom-most crate in the stack.

He asks me about Suitcase Clinic and how everything was going. We're looking into new services - lots of them. HIV education, TB testing...

A worker from Kingpin Donuts walks over with a pink box in hand. He stops in front of us, and bows his head so slightly, presenting the box to him.

No naw man, I can't take these.

Here. They are for you. Please.

Naw, naw man. I can't have sweets.

Please.

Again he accepts, ever so reluctantly but still so graciously.

After the man walked back into the shop, he looked straight into my eyes.

Take em Jess. You got to. I can't take stuff like this. I'm on a diet remember!

We go back and forth. I can't take it. I can't take it. 

In the end, he shoves the dozen into my arms.

Go and share 'em with your friends now. I'll see you next week, yeah? 

-----

I am ... still speechless.

The more I think about, the more I grow in awe of what a beautiful moment that I had witnessed. Participated in. Became a part of.

A homeless man just gave you a dozen donuts Jess. I'm trying to help put it into perspective for you!

I didn't even need my roommate to.

Part of me was numb, part of me went frantic. Part of me was overwhelmed, part of me guilty, part of me just.. didn't know if that was doing the right thing.

All I remember was just carrying this smile - a genuine smile - on my face as I turned towards the Ghetto and walked around to offer them to everyone. IV kids, strangers. 

What's the catch? they all asked. 

None- just say thanks to the man sitting on the crate.

I walked around offering donuts not of my own. Each of them carried a little piece of the baker's heart, of his heart. And all I did was deliver some of that joy right along.

A full day has passed already, but I am still learning from his simple action.

One simple act of giving.

I had prayed earlier that night, as Ryan Longfield prayed for us, for God to blow up our image of Him. 

This box of donuts - this gift, this one gift - is as priceless as God's Gift to humanity.

A man who has been seasoned on the streets. One who combats theft, betrayal, neglect daily. He was still able to give willingly and accept graciously. He is able to walk the streets with joy, with -dignity, with hope. He continues to walk on and journey on, together with us. And I was able to witness that and to be part of it.

That - like Dick Hoyt's unconditional sacrifice and love for his son - is just this tiny, microscopic glimpse that mirrors God's love for us. How powerful, undescribable and beautiful His love is!

Thank You Spirit for stirring up joy in my heart. For allowing my tears to flow freely. For being our FATHER in Heaven.  I am praying so hard for You. Longing so much for You. 

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If beautiful moments like this can be orchestrated here on Earth, how wonderful life must be in Heaven! I can't wait to join you up there Ray, but until then, I've still got some Kingdom business to take care of down here.

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk by your side

I remember when they played this at your memorial service. I had been numb from pain, numb from any feelings, numb from sadness, regret when the testimonies were given. Numb to the point where I was angry and frustrated that I sat there at the side of the room expressionless and disconnected. I was afraid of even looking at you. Of seeing your face. I averted my eyes to the slideshow of all your pictures - some I had seen, most that I hadn't. Your childhood, days in Taiwan, days in MMA... 

I was selfish, and I wanted to keep you here. My heart had hardened. I was incapable of mourning, incapable of feeling or reacting towards your departure into a better place.

I can only imagine what my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

But when this song played, it broke me down. They flowed freely. I wondered how much you had thought about this. Whether this would've even crossed your mind. Whether your thirst for life and its wonderful joys and intricacies had the power to mask over these questions. I wonder how you are spending your time now, playing with all the angels in bliss :). Sitting at His right hand. Being welcomed home by trumpets and singing. God smiling, pleased that you were so faithful to complete His work in so short a time - 19 years.

Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you be still

When I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

And this is why I am reminded of this song God. "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done". You've shown me a glimpse of Your Kingdom right here, right now. It's so tangible. And all flesh shall see the salvation of God - from Luke 3:6 Bible study last week.

And all I want to do Lord, is forever, forever worship you.